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There are times when I sit and wonder if I’m a bad person. I try hard to make people’s lives better, but it always seems to bite me in the ass. My father spent a lot of his life helping people, with money, advice, time… And he died at 50. Is that what’ll happen to me if I keep trying to be a good person? Will I spontaneously drop dead should I do so many good deeds in my life?

I’m also left wondering why when I help people, it’s often never reciprocated. I don’t ask for it to be, but you’d think it a common curtesy to return the favour should you yourself eventually need it… A pick me up, a few quid for a sandwich when you’re a bit short… Y’know, nothing big or anything.

And then I’m left sitting here, wondering still if I made a mistake helping those I’ve helped. Do they appreciate it? Do they even care? Do they want to care, I suppose is a better question. I don’t know what the point of this is, I just felt the need to put my thoughts down on ‘paper’.

I suppose the end result of this thing is “why do I want to help?” And that’s a question I really don’t know the answer to, because I generally don’t see any reward for doing it. Is it that I’ve been raised to believe if you can help folks you care about to improve themselves, you should? Or is it some more selfish desire to feel powerful in the ability to lift another person out of their troubles…

I don’t know. Still. It stings a bit. Y’know, helping, always has that bitter aftertaste down the line.


Guys! I love you so much <3 :’D I would never have expected that in less than a year I would get so many followers. It’s crazy! I promised I would throw contests for you. This time, though, I wanna do something bigger.

The winner of the lottery wins a CG PAINTING PORTAIT of one character of his/her choice (I draw OCs, canon characters, etc. etc. - I’m really flexible, though I’m not really good at drawing anthro characters :<). 


1) follow (if you’re not following yet)

2) reblog (max. 3 times)

4) open your ask box

6) giveaway ends next Saturday (September, 20) at Midnight (US Eastern Time Zone) - winner picked by

7) NO anthro, animals, ponies and stuff like that. Check my deviantart for commission rules - they apply here as well.

8) if the winner doesn’t respond until noon ET the next day (Sunday, September 21), I pick another one via

9) please be patient :3. I have a regular job, commissions, a kiriban to finish and, well, a real bullshit life, but I promise I’ll try to draw the portrait for you asap!

Thanks so much for being here with me! Good luck!

Broken Beakers

((So, it probably doesn’t come as a surprise to a few folks but I’ve decided for the time being that Wildstar is not for me. It’s sad on many levels, but hey, that’s not what this post is about. My main on there Fenwick Starbound, had a lot of interaction with various people and a lot of great RP, so for one, thank you to all of you who RP’d with me and made me have such a fun time while I was with folks I enjoyed being around! But as things go, I need to give Fen some closure for him having just mystically gone poof. So, the following are Fen’s final logs, which will be delivered Via PROBIE (yes, he’s still around) to people I’ve already spoken to about it. But they’re here for your amusement or whatever else too.))

Field Research Log 1:

"Strain samples seem to be unable to corrupt exanite structures and plant life that has infused itself with the substance… It’s amazing, Nexus has so much to offer us, and yet it does with a gun in one hand and an outstretched palm for the other, it’s as if everything we find or uncover simply leads us closer to something far, far darker than originally expected."

Field Research Log 2:

"Exanite research is going reasonably well, XAS reports suggest that the plant life in the area became infused with Exanite by Eldan means, no surprise really… I’m testing a new countermeasure to the Strain infection this afternoon… Hopefully, the research squad with me will be able to shed some light on the attempt we’re making."

Field Research Log 3:

"Countermeasure proved… Unsuccessful. My Squad is mostly dead or worse, I patched up those who weren’t infected, finished off those who were. Humane. Best thing for them.

Strain creatures breeched our research perimeter earlier today. While they were pushed back, I myself became infected.

I’m documenting the time, spread and mutation rate of the infection. I discharged the remaining individuals here at base camp, issued them back to XAS command, this research outpost is lost. Nothing here but broken beakers and failed research.

Have set my lab-space on incineration protocols for when I inevitably fall to the Strain’s influence. Transmitting Data to the XAS… PROBIE, go find our friends, Meatmoose and Zay.”

Attached is a time-lapse video of Fenwick’s mutation and subsequent incineration.

XASOperative Closing Report:

"Doctor Starbound’s status has been changed to KIA on all reports and data logged in Strain research documentation. His Bot, designation ‘PROBIE’ has been recalled, but it has so far refused recall programming. We can only assume it was destroyed along with the Doctor, or has been tampered with. Either way, the bot is now off our grid. Doctor Starbound’s service to the Xenobiological research of Nexus, while short, has been useful in our endeavour to understand the Strain, as well as the natural life of Nexus. Closing Operative Report."

Life is good!

Chatting with @evion about silly old monster hunter head canons.


RP with my awesome free company in FFXIV

RP with my great, great friends for our Superhero world

Made progress towards my Zenith weapon in FFXIV

Solved a huge portion of my family’s issues.

I’d say today has been a fun day.






A very good way of going about explaining this issue. It’s good to see something positive come from Tumblr.


And the reblog button was hit so quickly that it actually was reblogged BEFORE it was clicked

Will always reblog this.

I just like being girly. But what I like more, is having people noticing without minding. Just the fact that they’re aware of what I am and want to be without seeing anything but god old little me makes me happy, and most importantly, comfortable.

(Source: homo-club)

Best Foot Forward

Sometimes, life throws us a curveball.

Many folks see these as a huge obstacle, one they can’t get around, and in many cases, they might be right. Some immovable, incomparable object gets in our way, it can at times feel like we’re fighting uphill, while back-peddling down a slippery slope, all while trying to give a lecture and we realise only half way through that we’ve been naked through this whole ordeal. Everything seems too much to cope with.

Now. In line with keeping positive, and changing the way we see the world, sometimes, it’s good to take the opposite approach. You’re walking uphill. Yeah, it’s awkward, but think how great your calves are going to be by the time you get up the top! The same can be said for emotional things, they can hurt, yes, they really can. But like having a rest is good for letting your muscles recover and grow, so too is a rest for the emotions needed. Emotional rest helps us to reflect on what happened in our life and take charge of future situations. Many people tend to forget that after any large emotional expenditure, you need so,e recovery time.

If folks are swamping you with negative emotion, take a break from them. It’s ok to shut off from people for a while, it’s ok to take time for yourself. You do not need to fight all the world’s battles yourself, and sometimes, battles are better left un-fought.

I explained recently to a friend that a ‘war’ while a metaphorical situation in discussion, is only a war, if you retaliate. Not retaliating isn’t weakness, it is in of itself strength. You’re standing up and saying “I do not need to deal with this”, stepping back from something which would otherwise devolve, is not weakness, it’s strength. Anyone can raise their voice, shout and flap their arms around spouting whatever they want to talk about, but a rational, sensible adult knows when to just shake their head and walk away.

Which leads me on to saying this. You are not the source of people’s problems. No matter how people may make you think you are, you aren’t. If you’re unhappy, and someone is causing that, you aren’t to blame. And it’s fine to step away from them. You do not have to single handedly make everyone happy and get along. That’s not what you’re here to do. You’re here, to enjoy life. That’s what we’re all here for. And the sooner we focus on the good things in our lives, be it friends, family, work, or even something simple like what we’re having for dinner, the world will be much brighter for it.

I leave you with the words my father left my mother prior to his passing: LIVE!

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